Follow Protocols of Action to Implement New Year's Resolutions

In recent writings in the press, about resolutions for the New Year, there seems to be the illusion that all it takes is a strong motivation to gain or drop a habit, which in my experience is an over simplification.

In over 30 years of efforts in the area of personal change, the most successful efforts have been accompanied by protocols of actions. These contain bother cognitive and behavior plans and strategies for getting to goal, not just a strong wish to get to goal.

In my latest efforts focused on weight control with special interest in eliminating alcohol from my diet. I have developed four steps. The first step is to raise awareness of the central long term goal, which is to maximize weight loss and fitness. The second is to identify the rewards of not giving in to craves, i.e., better sleep, feeling better the next morning, aiding weight loss and so forth.

The third step is the intervention of behaviors to ward off craves or extinguish them altogether such as eating something, and drinking a non alcoholic drink at 5pm.  Finally, there is the activation of memory of how badly I sometimes feel later at night after imbibing, sleep disturbance, and so forth.

When I was working on the cold calling problem, cold call reluctance, I developed a five step model for how to overcome the disinclination to call strangers on sales calls. Set a goal for how many calls make on daily basis; incrementally increase these calls at your own pace; keep records of the fate of all calls; distance yourself from the inner critic that discourages you from making these calls. And, finally, have an accountability partner to whom you report your calls.

I followed these steps to increase my calling rate with good success and taught many, many others to do the same, with positive results.

Finally, in the weight loss domain, I developed and followed three main rules: limited carbs, severely limited alcohol intake and 2 hours of exercise per day.

In all these domains of goal achievement, there were these protocols of action to implement the steps necessary to ‘get to goal’. I have found that having a plan is crucial to behavior change or new habit formation, regardless of the goal.  Motivation counts heavily, of course. But by itself long term change that is worked at and maintained over the long haul requires a systematic set of rules to follow, a protocol of action.

When Thoughts Fail: Bringing Actions into Alignment with Intentions

So often thought does not sync with action as if the influence hoped for is null and void. I find my level of self-leadership is low, and has been for a long time, but I may now have a hold on it. This is because an old insight, which I ignored for years, has now come to the fore in a new light

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I became reacquainted with this insight via notes taken over twenty years ago when working with a therapist. She pointed out that my main problem was repression of true self ideas as a result of being disrespected and intimidated by my mother in the early years which caused me to lose confidence.  I initiatially didn’t give much credence to this idea until recent times when I witness so often my failure to follow what my inner guide (aka my conscience) puts forward as right and good.

I have, without my knowing, become inured to consistently following my own thoughts and directives and substitute endless speculation and hypothesizing instead.  I have not been taking my self-directed assertions seriously but rather letting them slide by the board. Fantasy, hope, plans need to be converted into action. Magical thinking seems the culprit.

What is striking is that this experience highlights the need for will and motive to drive action. One can hold a motivating thought, but unless it harnessed by understanding to a mobilized agency nothing happens. 

From the archives, I have collected several insights that bear on the thought to action dynamic:

·       Cf. review of Isaiah Berlin in New York Review of Books (April 10, 2013):  “His instincts told him that you learn more about an idea, as an idea, when you know something about its genesis and understand why certain people found it compelling and were spurred to action by it. Then the real thinking begins.”

·        A clear trend emerging from this program of research is that forming implementation intentions decreases the probability of people forgetting to initiate their goal-relatedbehavior at critical moments (Gollwitzer & Sheeran, 2006; Sheeran & Orbell, 1999; Current Psychology; Sep 2009, Vol. 28 Issue 3, p181-186, 

        

·       According to Gollwitzer (1993) and Heckhausen (1991), motivation is just the starting point for behavioral performance. They propose a model of action phases

which suggests that adopting a behavior has two distinct stages. The first is a motivational or deliberative phase during which the individual weighs up the costs and benefits of performing the behavior. The second posits a volitional phase during which the individual develops strategies and plans to ensure that their intentions will be enacted. European Journal of Social Psychology; Mar1999, Vol. 29 Issue 2/3, p349-369, 21p

Self-concordance has been defined as the extent to which people perceive goal-directed behaviors to be within their system of personal interests and values versus Self-determination theory proposes that often people do not adhere to a behavior because they perceive that it is not concordant with the self (Deci & Ryan, 1985). Self-concordance has been defined as the extent to which people perceive goal-directed behaviors to be within their system of personal interests and values versus something one feels compelled to do by interpersonal and/or intra-personal forces One conclusion that emerges from contemporary research on self-determination theory is that individuals reporting self-discordant reasons for performing a behavior are likely to actively contemplate pros and cons of performing the behavior and make no commitment to change because self-discordant goals generate intra-personal conflict

British Journal of Psychology; Nov2010, Vol. 101 Issue 4, p705-718, 14p,

Inner and Outer Sources of Authoritative Commands

In reading the latest book by Jonathan Franzen, Purity, the main character at one point pleads with her lover to tell her what to do because she knows this about herself: she likes to be directed by others, especially those she admires because of their status or power.

This passage suggested the comparative strength of authoritative commands from different quarters, for example, the ones emanating from one’s conscience versus those from outside sources: teachers, bosses, institutional authorities, friends, professionals, and so forth.

The power of commands varies all over the map, but what interests me is how you can strengthen commands coming from your inner guide, conscience, master self…whatever label you prefer to use in naming the voice or entity that declares what is good or right from within.

I raise this question because I am aware of my own resistance to self-leadership and suspect that if one is serious about personal change, in habits, in altering addictions, or pursuing any positive goal one has to learn to submit and comply with one’s inner voice.

After all we are accustomed to following the advice and recommendations of outer authorities, though not always sedulously, especially professionals like doctors, lawyers and other so called experts. Why can’t this be as easy when giving attention to one’s conscience?

I believe this is because you have not yet accepted your conscience as your savior. People need to accept the conscience or inner guide as their personal savior just as they might defer to their will power, therapeutic ideology or some kind of religious faith. Alcoholics Anonymous has enshrined submission to a ‘higher power’ as necessary for change; submission to one’s conscience seems to me a perfectly acceptable alternative for those inclined to a more secular direction.

Fear is at the bottom of reluctance to follow the inner guide or conscience.  Fear of failure, of rejection and fear of disapproval constitute the pillars of resistance and until they are managed change is impossible. The strategies for doing this may be behavioral and cognitive, but until they are brought into play, be ready for fall backs. As R.  Baumeister, D. Kirschenbaum and others have argued, self-regulatory failure is the norm so expectations for advance should be modest.

Strengthening the call of the conscience is helped if you have a framework to understand the struggle. In my experience this can be done by looking at what the conscience recommends and examine how you have felt in the past when you have followed those recommendations. Usually I have felt elation, bliss and positive self-regard, the mother’s milk of further effort.

With these outcomes, it is not hard to be persuaded to undertake new resistance prone endeavors; the rewards have already been identified and enjoyed from past projects.

Overcoming Impotence by the Pull of Intimate Disclosures

Impotence in the face of a life project may turn into a cold hatred of any enterprise that solidifies one’s weakness.  This hatred underlies the temptation to refuse any opportunity that carries the risk of failure or rejection.  The desire for recognition from the outer world is strangled by one’s own disposition to refuse risk.

We have considerable agitation and discomfort in the face of impediments that detract from our energy to produce prized results. The lessening of energy complicates any advance but this will dissipate as small victories are accomplished. Incremental advances and small victories are sometimes achievable over time and function to re-new commitment.

One cannot seek desired results often times since the personality has security and pleasure as its aims. Any threat to security and pleasure is immediately discarded in favor of dwelling in the unlived life. Going for rewards in the outer world is often driven by the need for a witness of what has been developed inwardly.

Success and acts of kindness change their function from being drivers of practice to becoming expressions of hidden resolves. Unconscious needs, once uncovered, become sources of right action for they are in alignment with one’s intuitions and underlying passions.

Thought alone suffer from failures of the will which only comes forth as an ally when summoned by the inner guide.  If will is based on deeply held desires, resistance due to fear and self-doubt

is more readily overcome.

Stuttering starts, stops and distractions tend to disrupt smooth journeys to end points but inflection points where a sudden opening to wider vistas takes place may convert lassitude into burning desires. The impotence born of fear can be overcome when there is exposure to authoritative evidence that going outside from inside brings rewards of closeness to others. The evidence from intimate relationships shows that it is often brought about by the sharing of secrets.  

Basics of Self Coaching

I have found in striving for goals that journal keeping helps inspire and direct my efforts. 

My self communions in a journal consist of admonishments and advice giving and many ”you shoulds” that have a motivating impact on getting me to follow the acts necessary to fulfill personal goals. Whether they work or not is always problematic, except for times of recent relapse.

The impact is attenuated by my own resistance which in turn can be caused by unconscious vindictiveness, low self confidence, or various fears, none of which can be definitely validated.

By returning every day to these self directed dialogues, I find that compliance brings a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Non compliance inevitably brings guilt, frustration and new resolves to “do better”.

Much as an external coach would do, these self administered directives seem to lead me down a more virtuous path, or at least one that I believe is preferable to simply responding to every impulse or passing temptation that invites giving in rather than staying the course.

Working with a coach, you develop a goal and a plan of action for reaching that goal. Weekly meetings ensure accountability. But working with yourself alone, you can do the same thing, and use record keeping as your accountability device.

Self coaching is a kind of self empowerment process wherein you rely on your own resources rather than an outside expert to initiate and carry out strategies that you know are necessary to gain positive outcomes.

Some of the resources you need to help yourself in your goal strivings are: record keeping; perspectivizing….coming up with meanings that help motivate and inspire; role models…finding others who are doing what you want to be able to do and finding out how they work; self contracting…setting particular tasks and a time limit for their attainment; recognition rituals…finding ways to reward yourself for doing what you say you think is important or that you ‘should’ do.

These are just some of the factors that help you move forward when the services of an outside coach are not available or are out of reach financially.

Externalization and Its Vagaries

I have recently struggled with a fear-bound wish to do a better job of letting others know about my personal change or growth work.  After a series of successes in weight control, smoking cessation and mastering a reluctance to do business marketing via cold calls, I find my self blocked by what I see as the risks of self disclosure.  Out of a wish for more accountability as an aide to advancement, I find myself wanting to disclose more yet I am throttled in the attempt.

The three main fears are: fear of disapproval, fear of rejection and fear of failure. All wrapped together, they appear an as a vaguely perceived amorphous ball of restraint, a self canceling force that keeps one stuck.

The literature on procrastination is not much help. It argues that it is sometimes a response to an authoritarian parenting style. Having a harsh, controlling father keeps children from developing the ability to regulate themselves, and keeps them from internalizing their own intentions and then learning to act on them.  Procrastination can even be a form of rebellion, one of the few forms available. What’s more, under authoritarian house hold conditions, procrastinators turn more to friends than to parents for support and their friends may reinforce procrastination because they tend to be tolerant of their excuses. (See Hara Morano article in Psychology Today, http://psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20030823-000001.html “ Ten Things You Should Know About Procrastination”)

Even uncovering the fears of disclosure, and having an understanding of same, the resolution does not immediately come forth.  If I look at my own history of disclosure I find that for the most part good things followed, not the bad things I anticipated, i.e., the failure, rejection and or disapproval.  The three towers of intimidation.  So my own personal history teaches that my predictions in the past were wrong, or simply delusional, born of fears and that by incremental exposure, I could win the day.

However, even this evidence based personal history does not always provide sufficient drive to advance.  Excuses and rationalizations pop up as inner conflict get aroused; short term, pleasurable indulgences always appear: the wine, the sweets, the second helpings. You win some and lose some. Human frailty comes to the fore as a universal of human experience and so one is left with inevitable imperfection.

Listening to the self-critical or self-doubting voice never gets you closer to goal. Instead, try the point of view of a mentor or good friend who believes in you, wants the best for you and will encourage you when you feel discouraged. (See Kelly McGonigal,The Willpower Instinct. http://amzn.to/1IrHJF0)

Self Coaching for Overcoming Fears

 Any understandings that can help you move forward on an agenda, especially ones that help you overcome fear of disapproval, are of real value in over coming various forms of reluctance.

In notes kept over a number of years, I have collected a variety of methods for overcoming fear. These are mostly “psychological type” fears such as fear failure, fear of rejection or fear of disapproval. The methods heavily emphasize tactics that prevent fears from arising in the first place.

To overcome fear, people need to:

Refute irrational beliefs… in cognitive psychology, this is a favorite techniques and is particularly suited to fears of disapproval. 

Some of the ways people formulate irrational beliefs are by:  l. All or nothing thinking… you see things in black and white categories; if your performance falls short of being perfect, you see your self as a total failure. 2. Overgeneralization… you see a single negative happening as a never-ending pattern of defeat, or rejection, etc. 3. Disqualifying the positive… you reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by everyday experiences.

These are just a few of the ways irrational beliefs come up. They need to be examined and surrendered if more positive, coping styles are to be maintained. If you realize how you formed some of your irrational beliefs, as by these methods mentioned above, then hopefully you will be ready to discard them.

Other ways of overcoming fear are: avoiding jumping to conclusions. You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that support your conclusions; discard mind reading… this is when you conclude, falsely, that someone is reacting negatively to you and you don’t bother to check this out.  This is also known as the FORTUNE TELLER ERROR.

Finally, another cognitive error to avoid is catastrophizing or minimization.  Catastrophizing is when you exaggerate the importance of little things that happen and scare your self unnecessarily. Minimizing is when you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick”.

A self coaching approach calls for implanting the tools of self encouragement. These include taking the self as an object that can be changed and improved upon.  Reflecting on past accomplishments also furthers a self coaching approach for it enhances your determination and confidence.

 

Self guidance calls for planning and executing strategies that help you attain personal goals, despite your fears.  Fear can be minimized by knowing exactly how you are going to proceed when fear strikes.  A viable self coaching technique here is the pre commitment technique that heightens the cost of giving in to fear, or temptation.

Finally the development of goals that are expressive of deeply held values is always an optimal self coaching strategy. Because these goals have personal meaning to an individual and reflect an individual's self-identity, self-concordant goals are more likely to receive sustained effort over the long haul.