The Role of Insights and Reframes In Behavior Change

When I look back at two of my success stories, stopping smoking and losing weight, the lessons that stand out are: first, a blinding new insight can bring immediate change. And second, an accidental discovery of a new term or frame work of viewing can spark another immediate change.

In both cases, the experience heightened my interest in finding the new understanding that brings about a mastery of resistance.  But mutative insights, insights that bring a change in action, are very rare. I can only recall one in my lifetime. I keep looking for what Yalom (in his book, Existential Psychotherapy) calls the mutative insight, but so far it remains very allusive.

More common is a new term or way of viewing a current challenge that brings action change. In my weight loss story, I was losing steadily when I hit a plateau that lasted weeks and perhaps months. After losing 25 pounds the usual way…i.e. less intake and more exercise, I became stuck.

One day, while reading a newspaper story about our recent Republican president G. Bush, I cam across the term’feckless’, meaning ineffective, in describing our recent president. I was not familiar with the term but once I looked it up and compared myself with the president  in an unflattering way as a ‘feckless’ weight loser, I immediately bore down and got off my plateau.

In the past several days, I came across a book review in the NY times that mentioned the term ‘Kafkarna’ to describe an absurdity impossible to explain rationally. This is the Czechoslovakian term for Kafkesque and immediately resonated with me.  For I have long felt about my personal agenda pertaining to goal achievements of various sorts, that while that agenda had many benefits, and was definitely approved by my Better Self, I was not ‘doing it’.

The term that Aristotle in describing this phenomena was Akrasia, or that condition of character where one knows what should be done but is unable to do it. In essence, it is lack of willpower for when intentions come calling but their fulfillment falls short.

For years I feel I have suffered from this particular malaise and now I am faced with the hope that reframing this condition as Kafkarna will some how release me from the inertia of lazyness and the immobility of fear. For, after all, the solution is to act and stop dithering. I will report back soon.

‘Doings’ Reinforced by Prosocial Motives Optimize Achievement

I recently uncovered a perspective that helps motivate me in my various domains of achievement: this is the notion of ‘doings’ or actions that implement goals or purposes, both near term and long term.

These doings could be eating less, changing your diet (no cream in coffee for example to promote weight loss) or putting down a certain number of words and phrases for a day of writing.

Whatever the means–end activity that helps implement your strategy for success, seeing these doings as meaningful in themselves because they embody your values or goals is a optimal tactic for moving forward.  “Meaningful in themselves’ is key because it takes you away from a focus on  benefits and rewards that may  or may not show up.

My new mantra is: Do the work and results will follow. Sometimes this isn’t true but you need to keep it up and not flag in your efforts because you aren’t getting the result you expected.

This recently happened to me:  I started counting calories with an IPhone app in hopes this tactic would help in weight loss.  But lo and behold, no results followed, though it has only been about 10 days. I am discouraged and I’m thinking of giving it up as it is a bit of a bother.  But like the cold calling example, persistence is sometimes the key. I once made 35 calls over three years to a company that finally said ‘yes’.  The activity was key, not the results.

Similarly, whatever the striving domain, persistence pays dividends but if you keep the way of viewing focused on the ‘doing’ rather than the results, you won’t be so likely to throw in the towel, perhaps prematurely.

A ‘doing ‘perspective is strengthened if it is backed up by prosocial motivation, researchers have discovered. Persistence is positively correlated with prosocial motivation or the“voluntary behavior intended to benefit another" or society as a whole," "such as helping, sharing, donating, co-operating, and volunteering." These actions may be motivated by empathy and by concern about the welfare and rights of others, ^[4] as well as for egoistic or practical concerns.

In the research cited above, callers who reported high levels of both prosocial and intrinsic motivations raised more money 1 month later, and this moderated association was mediated by a larger number of calls made.

Corollaries of Conscientiousness and the Importance of Belief

Conscientiousness as a personality trait is widely valued.  It turns out to be correlated with  a variety of  positive outcomes such as weight control, superior customer service, achievement in work and school and more., For me,  it remains  of  primary significance as a beacon for  self control and in this context the main challenge is how is it developed.

As I have worked with conscientiousness, there remain three main challenges. How to stay focused on what you want to be conscientious about…work habits, personal self care, exercise, etc.  Second, what to do when the inevitable slip up happens and you are faced with guilt and self criticism. (Or self compassion as recommended by a recent researcher.) And third, how to gain consistent belief in the value of what you are seeking to achieve.

This last element is what sets apart the neophyte from the serious striver who seeks to live by a personal code. Beliefs can come from two sources: our own experience and reflections, or as a blind acceptance of what other people tell us. I have sought for years to live by beliefs derived from my own experience and reflection. Oftentimes I have remained unsure of the truthfulness of these beliefs, but their value in terms of their positive effects on the quality my life has remained.

Living an intentional life calls for conscientious application of thoughts to experience, in a directive manner. Instead of simply responding to every impulse or expectation of others that comes along, you try to live by certain directives and admonitions from your own self.

On reflection it is clear to me that I have the capability to produce the data from my own experience that might benefit others.  Acting in accord with my own principles and ideals on a consistent basis and knowing how I did it would be of interest, for sure. But to make this claim I need validating results and while I have some to report, the big break through eludes me. What remains is a continuing interest in how conscientiousness is developed.

A recent article in Forbes argues that what is needed is an index of conscientiousness to determine enduring qualities of good employees. This article argues from Linked data that conscientiousness or patience and responsibility are the most used terms in the business world today suggesting that in the future employers will be especially looking for this trait in their employees.

If it is to be highly valued then companies should be interested in developing this trait. And this means attention to how beliefs are held and developed for they provide the key to implementation of resolves.

                                                            

Self Confluence and Guilt in Self Help Endeavors

For years I have been telling myself the story that I was humiliated and disrespected as a child by a parent (my mother) and that the solution was to strive for more worthiness in order to prove my self worth.

This has been a long slog towards overcoming real and imaginary obstacles to self change, changing my beliefs regarding what is real and what is unproven because there were no true tests conducted in the real world. There were no tests because I was too hemmed in by fears of rejection, of failure and of disapproval.

As I have had some successes in meeting various challenges over time, it has occurred to me that my strength lies in having a powerful conscience that demands conformity with various oughts and shoulds.  Evidence has recently appeared in the local press.

It seems like the mind has different faculties that provide the foundation for different abilities.  The rational faculty is the cause of rational action; the willing faculty (the ability to do, to decide, to choose) is the origin of volition. And the conscience faculty is used to distinguish between right and wrong, good and bad.  For me, advancing towards moral outcomes has always had the most appeal.

These moral imperatives have appeared in my efforts in the domains of personal health as for example in weight control, sobriety and smoking cessation.  In every instance there was a ‘going against’ kind of resistance since a part of my self was always unwilling to follow the better course. In all these instances success came but only after the passage of months and years  They were all examples of persistence after much trial and error and much self encouragement after numerous fall backs. The guilt that followed these set backs always spurred me to try again and I have personally found guilt a far better inducer than self compassion, as argued by Mcdonigal.    

Both in this area of health and in the area of career achievement there has been examples of self confluence  that bears out what is known about valued based motivations: they tend to be much stronger than those based on whim or caprice. Without an analysis of where my deficits were, I probably never would have found the where with all to  keep up the struggle

Overcoming Fear of Disapproval

Fear of disapproval or negative evaluation by others underlies much social anxiety or reluctance to speak up. It is a condition that delimits initiative and exacts a heavy cost for quality of life. Perhaps the worst result is that it leads to self abdication or the surrendering of important needs and wants for the sake of safety and hiding out.

People with social anxiety have a chronic fear of being judged by others and this fear may interfere with work, school or other activities.

One of the main treatments now in vogue is cognitive-behavioral therapy. This approach has two components. The cognitive element helps people change thinking patterns that prevent them from overcoming their fears. One common belief, for example, is that others are harshly judgmental towards one’s behavior; this belief must be changed in order for fruitful relationships to be established.

The second behavioral element seeks to help people become more at ease in frightening situations. To do this, progressive desensitization techniques are used to bring about a gradual diminution of anxiety and better coping skills.

I am especially impressed with the approach that focuses on building up self trust as an antidote to fear of disapproval. (See Susan Jeffers, http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/index.cfm.) Self trust can be gained by caring for one’s body, ideas and relationships. And this is achieved in turn by accomplishing personal goals, obeying one’s own moral rules and living up to one’s ideals.
Akrasia is the name Aristotle gave to his challenge, now more familiarly known as procrastination.  It is that condition of character where one knows what should be done but is unable to do it. It is also known as lack of willpower or weakness.

The problem with akrasia is that it is irremediable. As  Alfred Mele said in his book, Irrationality: An Essye On Akrasia, Self Deception and Self Control, New York, Oxford University Press, 1987:

“Few writers have been able to tackle it. That which we cannot cure, we do not tackle. We must simply face the fact that weakness of the will is a member of that huge class of contradictions, hesitations, vacillations, incoherence’s, and absurdities of very kind which composes a large part of our practical life

     We may aspire to moral dominion over ourselves but our being human and not saintly, corporeal and not angelic, naturally flawed and not naturally perfect damns us to the ever present possibility of that unbridgeable gap  between our ability to deliberate and discover or calculate and conclude what we ought to do and what we actually do.”

Assuming one has the wherewithal to overcome one’s own disinclinations, the self-strengthening that result from these practices does wonders for reducing fears of how one is perceived by others.

How to Overcome Self Defeating Inhibitions

I recently outlined some of the features of self defeating inhibitions and how they impair our personal performances in everyday life. The internal oppression that results is typically because of fears of: embarrassment, humiliation, rejection, failure, disapproval, or futility.  All there fears are ones that people IMAGINE might happen, but often don’t know for sure.  These often erroneous beliefs about worry tend to restrict options and narrow life experiences. To be stuck on the ‘back side of your illusions’ nicely captures this predicament.

     When I was counseling cold callers above overcoming their fears, I often advised they test the waters by making lots of calls to disprove to themselves that they would be treated rudely or, if they were, they could handle it.  Those who took this advice found, often, though not always, that their fears of rejection and humiliation were unfounded. Experience is a great teacher, after all, especially when it comes to testing hypotheses about likely outcomes. However, when one is blocked by unconscious factors, how do you get the experience that might prove corrective?

    Sometimes the ‘as if’ perspective may facilitate acting on your intentions. The ‘as if’ perspective was invented by H.  Vaihinger, The Philosophy of ‘As if’. In this book (1924), Vaihinger argues that it doesn't matter if something is true or not; if you act as if it was true, and good effects come about, then this will  justify acting on the belief.

    This is saying in effect that searching for causes in one’s behavior is often a fruitless enterprise. However, if you find a solution that works, a way of moving forward on your chosen path, then the cause of your paralysis doesn’t matter.

      Hence, in the cold calling instance, if one acted as if it you had the identity of a champion caller for whom the prospect of  rudeness and humiliation held no threat, then this conviction would permit you to make the calls and thereby gain the rewards of appointments and sales.

      Similarly, in the diet exercise arena, if one acts as if he is a thin person, the restraint and wise dietary choices will bring about desires results. Or in the case of abstinence from alcohol, if one act as if he or she was a sober person, then replacing alcohol with non alcoholic drinks would seem to be the right choice.

     Of course, these regimens don’t work every times, as doubt and inhibitions enter the picture; but the notion of faking  it until you make it has some merit in getting you to  at least perform the requisite acts necessary to bring to about the desire goal.  And to bring about the realization that feared outcomes only happen rarely, and, if they do, you can handle them.  

How to Achieve More Self Responsibility

A period of doubt has entered my mind this week with regard to the value of these posts. For I find that good ideas for change are usually not sufficiently strong enough to catalyze the will and one falls back or simply continues along in the line of least resistance.

Procrastination and social anxiety both respond best to self responsibility which I want to clarify here. In notes on this topic collected over the past many years, several points are worth passing on.

Self responsibility means:

l. Choosing to think for your self.

2. It is recognizing that only our own understanding can guide us.

3. When you choose to avoid intellectual independence or avoid doing what the mind says to do, this is a policy of self abdication.

4. To think and look at the world through your own eyes is basic to self responsibility.

5. Self responsibility applies when behavior is a function of decisions not conditions. This is close to saying that you shouldn’t blame others, or conditions for your plight; take responsibility for creating it your self.

6. Self responsibility means you are able to subordinate action to values.

7. Finally, the self responsible person is able to perform actions not to please others but for personal satisfaction.

For the reluctant or easily timidified, these blandishments in favor of self responsibility may seem scary, impractical or just blame unrealizable.  Perhaps they are for some. However, the gargantuan lust for self improvement evidenced by the large library of self help manuals would seem to argue at least for continued attention to the possibilities of change and redemption. 

In consideration of how to achieve more self responsibility and thereby be more willing to follow the voice within, however that is identified,  several therapeutic approaches have been tried.

Humanistic psychology believes that the person contains within him or her potentialities for healthy and creative growth. The failure to realize these potentialities is due to the constricting and distorting influences of parental training and education. These harmful effects can be overcome, though, if the individual is willing to accept the responsibility for his own life. Carl Rogers (1976)  argued that “If this responsibility is accepted, we shall soon see the emergence of a new person highly aware, self directing, an explorer of inner, perhaps more than outer, space, scornful of the conformity of institutions and the dogma of authority.”

This statement appears hopelessly idealistic for without supervision, a person is perfectly free to do nothing.  See below for an example of how lack of an audience weakens implementation of even the firmest resolves.

The simplest therapeutic approach is exhortative: “You are responsible for what happens to you in your life. Your behavior is, as you yourself know, doing you in. It is not in your best interests. This is not what you want for yourself. So, change!!”

This approach stems from the philosophical or moral belief that if one truly knows the good (what is, in the deepest sense, in one's best interest) one will act accordingly. "Man, insofar as he acts willfully, acts according to some imagined good'' Aquinas.

In my experience, the struggle for more self responsibility is helped by two factors: a catalyst that pushes you in the direction you know you need and want to go. This catalyst could be an event, like a health crisis, or a condition like obesity or an activity like a growing addiction that leads to severe social upset. The point is that catalysts serve to shock or jump start change and hence activate self responsibility.

The other factor is social support or acting before an audience. I recently completed a health challenge called the Oregon Health Challenge and was awed by the impact of an audience to my efforts to do work outs and change my diet.  The main dynamic was the rationale that came up every time I was tempted to throw in the towel, indulge my appetite for sweets or baked goods or otherwise stray off the straight and narrow: “No, I can’ do that, I’m doing this be a role model for others and the world is watching.”

With strong and deep desires combined with the social surround so you can’t hide out, self responsibility is more likely to be stronger and more long lasting.

     

Forgiving Yourself for Not Obeying Your 'Inner Law'

CG Yung called his forceful inner life his 'daiemon'.  He states: : " I had much trouble getting along with my ideas. There was a daemon in me, and in the end its presence proved decisive. It overpowered me, and if at times I was ruthless, it was because. I was in the grip of the daemon....I had to obey an inner law which was imposed on me and left me no freedom of choic'. Of course, I did not always obey it. How could anyone live without inconsistency."http://bit.ly/1KUGoEf

This quote resonates with me because I also feel in the grip of my Inner Guide (aka my daemon) or Better self. It pushes and pulls me to do right, do well and be compliant with its injunctions. It is powerful as indicated by its consistent presence. It is indefatigable. Yet despite the many advantages, some uncovered by my own experience, of following its dictates, I resist. And I resist even with this perspective of seeing it as a matter of obeying an inner law. And so, like Jung,  I don't obey all the time which tends to leave me with feelings of guilt and frustration. Jung in this quote is encouraging us to believe that inconsistent compliance is 'only human' that it is unavoidable because we humans are not saints. 

Mind Sets and Activities: Optimal Strategies for Improving Self Regulation

In looking over some old notes from 2001, I found that I reported that I always felt better when I followed what I choose to call my Inner Guide or Better Self   (or conscience, or superego). I always felt better and had more positive objective outcomes to report. However, my reluctance or resistance was also very present, no matter how good the results were when I was compliant. So what gives here?

Over and over again I have found the three mainstays of reluctance are inertia, inner conflict and temptation to give into some impulse, need or desire.

It is useful in confronting this problem to consider a fundamental distinction between two models of success, the perfection model and the fulfillment model.

The personality theorist Salvatore Maddi (Personality Theories : A Comparative Analysis by Salvatore R. Maddi, March 22, 2001)argues that there are two versions  of the success or fulfillment model the difference being the nature of  the postulated force. If the force is the tendency to express an ever greater degree the capabilities, potentialities or talents based on one’s genetic constitution, then dealing with the ACTUALIZATION MODEL.

In the PERFECTION Model, the force is the tendency to strive for what will make life ideal or complete, perhaps even by compensating for some weak spot or feelings of inadequacy, or feeling of inferiority.

The perfection model is one I am drawn to.  Striving to realize an ideal, like weight loss, sobriety, smoking cessation or mastering writer’s block requires disciplined acting in accord with certain tactics and strategies that must be followed for success to follow.

I have developed several tactics and strategies for dealing with reluctance, when I got off the main road, fell into some distracting tributary, some weakness, or variant of irrational compulsion or lack to control.  Among the tactics and strategies I have used with good results are those that follow:

·        Record keeping….to track progress and confirm or deny that you are on the correct path to success.

·        Public commitment…presenting your efforts to an audience, saying what you are about in order to reinforce your own motivation to go fro goal.

·        Journal keeping…to generate motivating ideas, pull in meanings that may aide self leadership, help identify obstacles and evolve new strategies for overcoming

·        Listening to self, especially your better self that KNOWS what is best for you.

·         Look at role models or read stories of achievers who went on to great things.

Knowing about these strategies and using them as well is not automatic and pitfalls always arise, plus it is difficult to stay focused and invest your time and energy consistently, over time, to bring about positive results. Knowing and doing can be close or not. The two can be brought closer with actions more so than with mind sets or perspectives. This is been my experience in a lifetime of personal change. The reader will note that most of the strategies are activities, not thoughts.

The question of the effectiveness of strategies for change is key and unfortunately the record of progress especially in the health field is not encouraging.

Many people adopt health goals but many fail to succeed in attaining these goals as is, for example, demonstrated in research on new year’s resolutions which shows that about 45% of people abandon their goal of losing weight or quit smoking within one month  Ringing in the New Year: The change processes and reported outcomes of resolutions JC Norcross, AC Ratzin, D Payne - Addictive behaviors, 1989

An important reason for such failure may be that people set goals that are too difficult or that they adopt goals for external reasons such as expectations of what they should do Attaining personal goals: self-concordance plus implementation intentions equals success. R Koestner, N Lekes, TA Powers… - Journal of personality …, 2002 - psycnet.apa.org

Another reason why people may fail is that they don’t develop plans for how they will go after their goals, how they will ensure their persistence in the face of distractions and obstacles (De Ridder & Kuijer, 2006). Research suggests that furnishing goals with specific action plans (intentions to implement) can enhance success because it links the desired behaviors with certain situations and allows for automatic responding that is not as volitionally demanding as is continually making decisions about when and how to accomplish one’s goals.

'Doings' Reinforced by Prosocial Motives Optimize Achievement

I recently uncovered a perspective that helps motivate me in my various domains of achievement: this is the notion of ‘doings’ or actions that implement goals or purposes, both near term and long term.

These doings could be eating less, changing your diet (no cream in coffee for example to promote weight loss) or putting down a certain number of words and phrases for a day of writing.

Whatever the means–end activity that helps implement your strategy for success, seeing these doings as meaningful in themselves because they embody your values or goals is a optimal tactic for moving forward.  “Meaningful in themselves’ is key because it takes you away from a focus on  benefits and rewards that may  or may not show up.

My new mantra is: Do the work and results will follow. Sometimes this isn’t true but you need to keep it up and not flag in your efforts because you aren’t getting the result you expected.

This recently happened to me:  I started counting calories with an IPhone app in hopes this tactic would help in weight loss.  But lo and behold, no results followed, though it has only been about 10 days. I am discouraged and I’m thinking of giving it up as it is a bit of a bother.  But like the cold calling example, persistence is sometimes the key. I once made 35 calls over three years to a company that finally said ‘yes’.  The activity was key, not the results.

Similarly, whatever the striving domain, persistence pays dividends but if you keep the way of viewing focused on the ‘doing’ rather than the results, you won’t be so likely to throw in the towel, perhaps prematurely.

A 'doing perspective is strengthened if it is backed up by prosocial motivation. Researchers have discovered that persistence is positively correlated with prosocial motivation or the 

“voluntary behavior intended to benefit another", is a social behavior that "benefit[s] other people or society as a whole," "such as helping, sharing, donating, co-operating, and volunteering." These actions may be motivated by empathy and by concern about the welfare and rights of others, ^[4] as well as for egoistic or practical concern

In the research cited above, Callers who reported high levels of both prosocial and intrinsic motivations raised more money 1 month later, and this moderated association was mediated by a larger number of calls made.